Bruce Jenner and my family, part two.
Given that this blog tries to focus on aspects of queer health, I decided to talk about this social and personal episode for two reasons. 1. My understanding of gender and gendered health comes a lot from personal experiences. 2. This episode really captured the stress, anxiety and other mental health problems that exist within queer communities.
Watching the clips of Bruce talking to Diane, it was clear he had to go through many emotionally taxing episodes in his life. As he stated, he was seen as the "manly American man" for most of his life, but simultaneously he didn't feel comfortable being seen and identifying as a man. That inner conflict, exacerbated by external pressures, is very common for gender minorities. With this conflict comes the added mental health issues. Anxiety, depression and suicide. Bruce is an interesting example, because he has access to a great deal of financial and social capital. That's usually not true for many gender minorities. Trans folks are a demographic that live in deep, deep poverty. Add the mental health issues coming from stigma with the mental health issues of living in poverty, and you have a group of people in dire need of help.
Bruce being able to live his truth is great, but of course, his story and experience is just a jumping off point for a bigger conversation.
I'll be making references to two artists in particular, for future conversations. Alok Vaid-Menon and Janani Balasubramanian, who were integral in my understanding of queerness, transness, and brown-ness.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Bruce Jenner, Family, Gender and Stress/Just Another Sunday Part 1
*Note: I will be using "he/his" gender pronouns for Bruce, as these are the pronouns Jenner asked Diane Sawyer to use. Gender is not a final point or a rigid characteristic, it is as much a journey as it is an identity, so I am choosing to respect Bruce's journey and his understanding of himself.
That said, as some may have heard, Dianne Sawyer recently interviewed Bruce Jenner. I admit, I haven't had time to watch the interview, but I did watch some tid bits and I watched the clip in which Bruce discusses being a woman and having the soul of a woman. Excellent!
That said, as some may have heard, Dianne Sawyer recently interviewed Bruce Jenner. I admit, I haven't had time to watch the interview, but I did watch some tid bits and I watched the clip in which Bruce discusses being a woman and having the soul of a woman. Excellent!
Photograph by J. B Lacroix/Getty Photography
Taken from The New Yorker
I talk a lot about gender, a little bit to my family, a lot to my friends, and a lot, lot, LOT more to myself. Understanding gender and it's social workings, both as a social system as well as a self-empowering form of identification has been integral in shaping my perspective, giving me strength, and understanding how to navigate the ever so messy and sticky thing called life. Given that, it's incredibly stressful discussing this topic with people who either don't a) know what the hell I'm rambling about or b) think I'm making stuff up. Both of these scenarios apply to my family. Add in the emotional and physical closeness with my family, and you've got 40 minutes of anxiety and internal conflict.
Bruce came up in a conversation this weekend and my parents insisted that Bruce was just "confused" about his gender and that he was living in a fantasy world in which he was perpetually lying to himself. The conversation turned to me and I was asked if I was male or female and I responded that my gender is Saad, because that is what feels the most authentic at this time (discussed in the last post). My parents didn't like that answer, they said they only dabble in FACTS and that all of this talk was too dubious. Ha! I retorted that all of human existence is dubious! That's a hallmark of human society and civilization. We just do the best we can with the very limited understanding we have of the world and ourselves. Gender and our understanding of gender, as part of human history and world, is continually shifting and changing. We are currently living in an exciting pocket of time where a Transwoman (albiet, a very wealth and racially privileged Transwoman), who was the epitome of American masculinity can share his story of being a woman. That is incredible.
Bruce came up in a conversation this weekend and my parents insisted that Bruce was just "confused" about his gender and that he was living in a fantasy world in which he was perpetually lying to himself. The conversation turned to me and I was asked if I was male or female and I responded that my gender is Saad, because that is what feels the most authentic at this time (discussed in the last post). My parents didn't like that answer, they said they only dabble in FACTS and that all of this talk was too dubious. Ha! I retorted that all of human existence is dubious! That's a hallmark of human society and civilization. We just do the best we can with the very limited understanding we have of the world and ourselves. Gender and our understanding of gender, as part of human history and world, is continually shifting and changing. We are currently living in an exciting pocket of time where a Transwoman (albiet, a very wealth and racially privileged Transwoman), who was the epitome of American masculinity can share his story of being a woman. That is incredible.
Gender?! What is it? Where can I get it?
I recently had a very heated discussion with my parents about gender (more on this on a following post). One thing I observed from this stress-filled encounter was the difficulty of even defining gender and trying to explain this to my family. So I'm going to give a few definitions of gender as I understand it now. Nonetheless, it is important to note that language fails me many times, as it does others. As Toni Morrison has stated on the nature of language, even when you master language, it can never truly capture reality. And I am nowhere near having mastered language.
1. Gender, Sex, and Social Constructs
A social construct is an attribute assigned to people based on arbitrary measures determined by the zeitgest of a society. When it comes to gender, many people think of man and woman, based on an individuals physical appearance (genitalia). We're exposed to the idea that there are only two ways of existing in the world, as man or woman, and those who deviate from these norms are seen as "abnormal" and heavily punished for their deviance (this is one of the reasons why trans individuals are at such a high risk of being murdered and living in poverty).
*Note: There are more than just two genetically-determined sexes, by the way. Whether it be genitalia, chromosomes, or other genetic/biological features, there are more biological combinations than just XY chromosomes/penis and XX chromosomes/vagina. It's true, ya'll! I'm a scientist as well, remember? Ok, enough for self-glorification. Moving on..
2. Gender as Identity
Woo, self-empowerment! Yes, gender serves as an instrument of social control, but it can be used as a venue for self-exploration. Whether it be a self-identified man wanting to try on a dress and make-up, or a woman wanting to go to a macho boot camp for fun. (The last description is my mother. She is dainty and as feminine as people can be, but she went to MILITARY SPONSORED boot camps for thrills and giggles). There is a lot of power in self-determination, and gender is a great avenue for people to explore and realize themselves.
3. Gender is ??????
I still have lots to learn about gender and how it works. I'm sure what I think now will be very different from what I'll understand a few years, months, weeks, or days down the line. And that is completely fine. That's the nature of education and learning, we don't learn much from staying in the same place, including in the same way of thinking. At the moment I tell people that my gender is Saad. I am me, my history and stories are mine. Genderqueer seemed like a comfortable descriptor for awhile but as stated at the beginning of this post, the language didn't seem adequate. One word can't capture the subtlety and nuance of existence.
1. Gender, Sex, and Social Constructs
A social construct is an attribute assigned to people based on arbitrary measures determined by the zeitgest of a society. When it comes to gender, many people think of man and woman, based on an individuals physical appearance (genitalia). We're exposed to the idea that there are only two ways of existing in the world, as man or woman, and those who deviate from these norms are seen as "abnormal" and heavily punished for their deviance (this is one of the reasons why trans individuals are at such a high risk of being murdered and living in poverty).
*Note: There are more than just two genetically-determined sexes, by the way. Whether it be genitalia, chromosomes, or other genetic/biological features, there are more biological combinations than just XY chromosomes/penis and XX chromosomes/vagina. It's true, ya'll! I'm a scientist as well, remember? Ok, enough for self-glorification. Moving on..
2. Gender as Identity
Woo, self-empowerment! Yes, gender serves as an instrument of social control, but it can be used as a venue for self-exploration. Whether it be a self-identified man wanting to try on a dress and make-up, or a woman wanting to go to a macho boot camp for fun. (The last description is my mother. She is dainty and as feminine as people can be, but she went to MILITARY SPONSORED boot camps for thrills and giggles). There is a lot of power in self-determination, and gender is a great avenue for people to explore and realize themselves.
3. Gender is ??????
I still have lots to learn about gender and how it works. I'm sure what I think now will be very different from what I'll understand a few years, months, weeks, or days down the line. And that is completely fine. That's the nature of education and learning, we don't learn much from staying in the same place, including in the same way of thinking. At the moment I tell people that my gender is Saad. I am me, my history and stories are mine. Genderqueer seemed like a comfortable descriptor for awhile but as stated at the beginning of this post, the language didn't seem adequate. One word can't capture the subtlety and nuance of existence.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Identity and Anxiety (aka: Life)
Being a part of queer circles and navigating the proverbial "self" through these situations has made me think a lot about "identity" and trying to fit in a community that is based on that "identity." Being queer and growing up queer, especially in places that are not well-equipped (to put it lightly) with queer folks, made it seem magical the first time I was around fellow queer folks.
Actually, that's a lie. I was probably very anxious and nervous.
REGARDLESS, I had expectations of magic friendships and problems being smoothed over. What I've learned in college is that magic is not real and that...identity politics don't work. In theory, people who are oppressed by the same systems should be mobilized to create an accepting and affirming community, but that's not how people work.
So where does that leave people? Where and how do you huddle together and comfort each other?
I've been thankful to have a very caring support network in my undergraduate years. Given that, I've still experienced alienation in college. Maybe that's just what college is. Maybe that's just what America is. Maybe that's just part of growing up. Whatever the reason for this alienation, a good portion of the alienation stemmed from (or at least appeared to stem from) being queer identified. Along with this feeling of being disconnected and disengaged with people, were the all not too fun episodes of anxiety, depression and overall decreased mental health.
Despite these episodes, it's given me perspective as to how mental health works in myself, and also in the broader context of society and communities (mainly the queer community, because I'm all about learning about the queer community).
As my first post on queer mental health, I decided to start off (relatively) light. I didn't want to immerse too quickly in the all too real mental health challenges of the LGBT+ community. Rather, I wanted to set the tone for what will be coming up in the next few posts.
Actually, that's a lie. I was probably very anxious and nervous.
REGARDLESS, I had expectations of magic friendships and problems being smoothed over. What I've learned in college is that magic is not real and that...identity politics don't work. In theory, people who are oppressed by the same systems should be mobilized to create an accepting and affirming community, but that's not how people work.
So where does that leave people? Where and how do you huddle together and comfort each other?
I've been thankful to have a very caring support network in my undergraduate years. Given that, I've still experienced alienation in college. Maybe that's just what college is. Maybe that's just what America is. Maybe that's just part of growing up. Whatever the reason for this alienation, a good portion of the alienation stemmed from (or at least appeared to stem from) being queer identified. Along with this feeling of being disconnected and disengaged with people, were the all not too fun episodes of anxiety, depression and overall decreased mental health.
Despite these episodes, it's given me perspective as to how mental health works in myself, and also in the broader context of society and communities (mainly the queer community, because I'm all about learning about the queer community).
As my first post on queer mental health, I decided to start off (relatively) light. I didn't want to immerse too quickly in the all too real mental health challenges of the LGBT+ community. Rather, I wanted to set the tone for what will be coming up in the next few posts.
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